...

放手也是一种爱。

i need strength.

EnCt2b919fa12eeffb4825f27ac7036abe0fa56ef6589b919fa12eeffb4825f27ac70hVBvoFC04wI
yOLINClc2IdF6rPs/36eYeESqyRymwTFAbIPrDp5ZBld/35LAH7u0QX5kWbksQT3Ax91Zkg3Fah+YUVv
1g2IkmweWU4X92b3mYIcBSieO74m2i1HspEqp5FBPycwzh2+PwUPAZAZGTI+yMfXyQKNdADiYE7mOps5
k/Q9MTTQxhMeD22++adImG5WIkuHak1HKUZ5ivBhpDmltwPtAuANL5owfZZx8Rl0huFgy3bBKgX+dcHr
LrgltahKauqpbFfK/1gxCqDAjSA9FnW+RRr23euhVD590ydBkv50uBI4rBefJur/NIAxEycu2PoJhFr3
DTHS7AJVgDk01v+qmXclvcYEbOpAbL099oLQjA2hjuC8o557ZoQjreS8aK5SBrMHnRQ+7fpVAs2gkZcx
LGCFNBfPBQ1p0ZGEfhiz9onqLYL/Iot8p9E2FurOIxgfj4pP8Vosq5KUTf90aPiynONn3JDQ2sr79X5/
lopRJMe6wYc9wXwfiNYnPPqGk7OXABmetWuu0j4WtkWcapnvEI7/8/6hMpV9lkUemn3RNcPJdof1Vbse
/x9FQyYivJi8YxevO3ANX2kPIUdHmhBrAb6fJnfLht7+iHGJLLCTRxFwOeQpjxARz3cJv+/88ae+0Cgd
LJRe+587ROVIhrUB0DyacCZPKkbZP7Aftn/6R6qoTkf3e0esGFVYDBc78wPGislq3TN61BLXvb+T3QGI
lOSqOFygvFn1J66sn2KkNF1WoZYGAcb+lzYGnVh+vwvPR/CZDwbM67EWFDctZ14HKb4orAbipfTY81+E
T2gOOVGe2oOlgY9rC2LWOUI5lUi19icinm+9i/SuTDStmBuuFiEVSxljb2nsg+pTRn0fyDZ2MdH6+5X6
5e8+DJVyhYWvJs2lzx3zA+I0WjZlW/8Q+hw==IwEmS

juz let me rant and i will be fine.

something that i tried to ignore, that i tried to kan kai di dian, is getting from bad to worst. this something that is buried deep down in my heart is surfacing more and more to the extend that i think i cannot take it anymore. a sense of 无助 and 无能为力。

i cant concentrate well, i tried not to think about it but i cant help it, it keeps surfacing. whenever i think about it, tears juz wanting to flow out, not something within my control.

its been many yrs to be frank, the amount of complains i heard from both of u, the amount of quarrel u 2 have is far way more than the time when u 2 dun. i always tried to help the 2 of u reconcile to the point wher i no longer care anymore, cos in a matter of no time the quarrel starts again even after u 2 reconciled. though i appeared not to care, but deep down it bothers me alot, who loves to see ppl quarrel?

everytime when the 2 of u quarrel, u ask me pass msg around to each other, i have alr lost count of how many msgs i have helped u 2 pass around. u even called me juz to ask me to call the other back to pass a msg even when the 2 of u r tgt and im not there at all. wad i feel at that point, a mixture of frustration and helplessness.

seriously whenever u 2 quarrel, i wish im the one who quarrel with the 2 of u instead, in this way at least i still get to see the 2 of u as loving, juz let me bear it all.

whenever i tried to help, tried to say my point of view to each individually, tried to say good stuffs for the other, u said im always helping the other party, u said certain things that hurt my feelings too. rly, what u wan me to do? im stucked in between the 2 of u.

i rly wish to tell the 2 of u that i sided no1, i love both equally lots. im juz saying my point of view and wad i truely feels, i wish u rly gets me and think about it, not juz ignoring wad i say or sometimes throw temper at me.

i always acted normal like its nth whenever the quarrel occurs, but i bet u 2 wont even noe how i feel inside me. u may think that i dun care if u guys quarrel, but no, im juz trying to ignore it so that i dun get so affected by it and u guys wont get affected by me as well.

i think im rly good at tahan-ing stuffs, for the many yrs alr. but this time round i dunno how long more can i tahan b4 i finally explode. i dunno wad to do anymore.

even heaven isnt friendly enough, wanted to go for a jog ytd to relieve, and it rained.

thanks to this little area of mine, im feeling better after saying it out here.